Hope

After rereading my previous post, I realize I may have sounded unhappy with were I am today in my life. I am not. I have been blessed in so many ways. I have someone in my life that treats me with the love and respect I deserve, someone who challenges me and spoils me at the same time and for that I am grateful.

What I was trying to say in my previous post is that when you end a relationship that you are in for half of your life, you are left with so many different stages of emotions. In the beginning the grief and sadness mixed with feelings of anger and betrayal rule your emotions and you go into survival mode. As time passes the anger subsides because you can’t live that way for your children’s sake or your own sanity. So as this time passed and began to heal me, as time usually does, one of the things that surprised me the most is the grief I felt for the future my children and I had lost. The plans and the vision that you had for your life and your family are changed in an instant.

As I went through this process, at first, I just stopped thinking I would even have a future. Then as I was getting more vested in my current relationship, I thought I could just fit that person into the old vision of my future. So what I was trying to explain in my previous post is that I now realize this is not possible or even fair to anyone. I can have new goals and dreams. I can have a family and a future that looks completely different. I will not grow old with person that I had thought I would. I may not be able to grow old in the home and the neighborhood that I adore. I will probably have to make a lot of decisions on my own and trust I am doing the best I can. However, I will still travel and hold my grandchildren and whether I do it alone or with someone new, I finally feel like I can be hopeful again.

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